A Million

i wrote this about someone who i secretly love. usually if i write something in regards to love its a generalizing. this is a specific person. i really wish i could tell her. but circumstances far beyond my control prevent that. plus its not practical as she's been with the same person forever and recently been engaged. the first part is my sadness that i cant tell her i love her. then sencond part is me not letting the sadness bother me. she is an incredible human being. one that makes me not hate people. when a long relationship ended for me, she was the only one of my ex's friends to remain by my side. she helped me step by step. she put a feeling, a reassurance in my heart. i know i can never tell her. but ive got to write how i feel. this is the last poem i wrote for my book that will one day come out. the poem is called a Million because "Million" rhymes with her name.





my tank is empty. i am void. creativity's destroyed. i can't sleep, i can't think. burn my eyes so i cant blink. i cant eat, i cant grasp. there's a broken heart dead in my lap. the autumn crashed upon my skin, thoughts stripped bare, a million.
i walk in shadows, i walk through lines. through burning bridges a million times. i cant cope, i can't take, i cant emote or bother to fake. There's a scratch upon my plate. a meal that i never ate. The autumn rained its cold into my conscious and to be completely honest, atop my list of reasons your name is on it. one of a million.

if im empty than im a liar, i cannot hide...for you inspire. you give life to every thought. to every single breath ive got. you give meaning to each word. you are the essence of my nerves. You are my autumn, a microcosm. for all good fortune i have gotten. i wish i were your same. i wish i could put rhyme to your name. but treading water i maintain. with the silence, with the pain. a million knives in a million veins.