Mr Blunder.

Once upon a time there lived a man called Mr. Blunder. Always bumpin into shit, crashin' cars, spillin cran juice all over his good trousers. His heart was there but his equilibrium, not so much. He lived below the Oak Tree on Maple street in Birch City. Little did he know his constant blundering would save the world. It all began at Mr. Acorns Grocers on Pine ave. Mr. Blunder was buying some seedlings for his garden and pickin up some fresh apples to make a pie for his Lovely. He owed her the pie since he accidently ripped the skin off her forehead while trying to help her wax her eyebrows. She was a kind woman. Beautiful clavicle and quick wit like no other. Her eyes could guide even the most lost of souls to shore. Even Mr. Blunder who got lost in his own kitchen was able to find her. And his kitchen was no larger than that of a dollhouse.
Well finishin up his purchase at Mr. Acorns an armed assailent entered the market. Demanding all the fresh vegetables and vegetable oil so he could fuel his eco-friendly nuclear bomb. Mr Acorn had no choice to oblige as he was staring down the barrel of a very large potato gun. Mr Blunder went into a panic. He promised he'd be home to his lovely by the 3rd hour after noon. He went and hid in the canned goods aisle hoping not to be seen so he could escape through the back exit. He fumbled an apple and in trying to catch it he knocked over the Chef Boyardee display. Cans went flying and rolling everywhere. one tripped up the assailent who then fell and bumped his head on Mr Blunders cast iron skillet. He brought it with him everywhere in case he felt the need to cook an egg. The evil man was out cold and was taken to jail by the police. Mr Blunder was a hero. Mr Acorn was so delighted he gave him a fresh baked apple pie to bring home to his lovely. He was also given a police escort to make sure he arrived home safe, unlike the last time when he thought a tree stump was a hidden door to the cookie factory. He went missing 6 weeks.
He finally arrived home with warm pie in hand for his lovely. She had heard of his heroism on the daily news and greeted him with a big hug and kiss. They enjoyed the pie together and watched the sunset in peace. He did however fall in the toilet again after thinking his reflection was a secret KGB agent mocking him. But his every so delightful lovely clean him up and got him to bed. They both fell asleep in contentment while watching Sleepless in Seattle. Mr Blunder had found his meg ryan so he could rest easy.

the end.