awake on sleeping pills. ( random thoughts.)

i have so much to say. but i cannot. so i will fill this space with randomness.



I manage to put both pant legs on at the same time. easier said than done, but i have perfected it. You gotta do it while lying down. Put your legs straight up and pull the pants onto them. This may be difficult if you are fat. I propose fat people wear moo moo's. even the men. Tie a belt around it and you will look like a fancy hotel curtain. it may lead to a very lucrative career.

Can bed bugs live on chairs?

i'm killing myself with kindess so my suicide note will only say nice things about me. Just a few more self affirmations and maybe i'll hold the car door for myself. That should be enough to do it. If not, i'll save the last slice of pizza for me. That's guarenteed death. I'm kinda lookin for a ghostwriter for my suicide note but haven't found anyone worthy. i guess i'll wait till i'm dead to write it. It will really add authenticity to the whole thing.

I've been procrastinating preparing for the worst. I guess that's a good things because im bleeding from my ears as i type and i don't have time to check the batteries in my smoke alarm which fuckin sucks because i'm always falling asleep with lit cigarettes. I really need a better sense of urgency .....and a tampon for my ear. i'll get it later, i've got some unfinished business to attend to.

My mom doesn't like me. She wanted to get an abortion but thought i wasn't worth the money. She says im a major let down and never finish anything. Little does she know i just polished off a bottle of ambien and chased it with bourbon. finally my mom's gonna be proud of me! It's all ive worked for. acceptance. I would try to kill myself once a week to make her happy but i totally screwed up each time. furthering her proof that i was a failure. She wanted to give me to my dad but he was way too sucessful to take care of me. and when i say sucessful i mean he killed him self with booze. Mom never loved me cuz i could never live up to my dad's sucess. She tried to beat me but didn't wanna ruin the cast iron set she bought from Time Life magazine. It came with a free picture of a happy family.....which she smashed over my head. that angered her more as my crying made it so she couldn't hear Paul Harvey on the radio. We didn't have a basement so she locked me in the oven with venomous spiders.