self destructive dan :)

self destructive dan.

sometimes i don't understand my inner mechanics. i think i'm wired to set myself to fail. I think it gives me a good excuse to rationalize abusing my meds......which unfortunately i've done again......Oooops! just like Brittany i did it again, and again and again. I don't know if it's because i hate myself or because i enjoy being sad. The hardest thing in the world to accept is that you're just a routine. That there is no end result to your work. Maybe you search in the wrong tunnels but goddamnit those lights you find are so fucking enticing. Too bad they're someone elses lantern and you're left walking in the dark with out a purpose, Beating your head on the cave wall until you are unconscious. Your life is upside down with the bats. You are nothing more than a desensitized robot living out the motions until you expire. Expiration isn't so bad. And i know there is no hell unless hell be the loneliness that lulls you to sleep for eternity. So maybe another pill won't matter. Hold on...............Ok :) This is the mind of a fucking drug addict. even if i only slip once a year, for the rest of my life i am a fucking drug addict and for someone reason i wanna destroy myself. Welcome to my world, my mind........welcome to my tartan heart, stitched up in sartorial splendor for all to see in awe. for all to pull the loose thread until i'm further unraveled. Tonight's poem will not be depressing in its normal sense.....this is a first class trip inside my mind that few have scene....I give to you............." SELF DESTRUCTIVE DAN":



Bottle top off like a hub cap on a 83' pontiac, where's my clonny at? oh! there you are my precious, green freshness, time to get reckless like a blind guy givin his wife a pearl necklace, while she's eatin breakfast. scrambled like eggs, fuckin numb in the leg. can't tell if these are thoughts or fuckin tumors inside my head. If im not legally dead, im half past comatose, vultures play me close like butter on toast ( Biggie!). a pill is a pill until it kills the will, my eyes pushed shut like painted window sills, i love me some poison like i'm Cee Cee deVille and i'll clean your fucking clock to make time stand still. I don't belong, like a platypus, duck billed. I'll gladly let the blood spill like milk i won't cry. Fuck, tears don't fall from lazy eyes, amazes me i....never knew that green meant go until your skin turned blue. Bursting from you're veins until your ghost leaves you. emerging from the flames till the smoke heals you. I'm high as fuck but i can still feel you. driving a semi with no breaks, laughing like a maniac with frosted flakes on my face, flat tires and a full shell case. This isn't the Amazing Race its me dying at a slow pace at the speed of light during a black out in outer space. No moon, no stars, clovers or diamonds, purgatory's where i'm in, alone playing Simon, red-blue-red -red -green -green-green till i can't stand or can't lean, find me in an alley with wrangler jeans and an empty bottle of mr clean. All lined up with the ducks, don't give a fuck, shoot away until the bullet is stuck between my eyes penetrating my tear duct, its fucking clear cut, i am a fucking, here to destruct! self preserve, rip my skin from the nerves, stomp my heart on the curb, this is not an adjective its a lonely verb.......gotta chicken on the grill and it's time to flip the bird.